Horror Stories

a poem.

Was always so blind.

I didn’t comprehend…I didn’t see

That all I wanted and needed was right in front of me.

Waving, smiling, laughing, shouting , running, reaching

Fingertips nearly touching,

Hearts nearly close enough to perform a synchronise beat.

But eyes looking past,

Eyes wide,

Eyes blind,

All the things I couldn’t see.

I let them just walk right past while I focused on only me,

My dreams,

My aspirations,

Scared.

I can read you horror stories about being scared.

I can swim oceans,

jump off cliffs,

run for miles,

and it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you about the magnitude of fear.

Scared is when you realise your dad has left and your all alone

Scared is the crazy heart wrenching fear of the dark

All the things you don’t want to see, manifest and show themselves in the dark

Scared is blaming everyone but yourself

Scared is letting life pass you by

Scared is severing sacred connections.

Scared is almost saying ‘I do’

Scared is almost crying

Scared is almost showing emotion

Scared is almost saying ‘I like you too’

Scared is never moving

It’s never ending

It’s forever blind.

It’s forever losing.

It’s forever alone.

“Next time we f**k, I don’t wanna f**k, I wanna make love”

How many people nowadays can honestly sit down and tell you all the times they had sex, it was more than just sex? How many people can tell you that every time they got intimate with someone it is because of an undeniable connection they both shared? How many people can say that they don’t just want to have meaningless sex anymore? How many people told you that messing around doesn’t make them feel better? How many people want to make love? How many relationships last???

I was conversing with my friend earlier, about society, sexual expectations, intimacy and most importantly connection. I find it crazy, absolutely mind blowing, to comprehend giving up apart of your soul without connection there. I find it crazy how people can actually find honest connections in the 21st century anymore. Maybe its because I’m 19. Apparently everyone has a ‘hoe stage’, I’m still to have mine.

What has happened to building relationships? what has happened to dates? romance? falling for someone for who they are and not what they have to give you?  What’s happened to loving someone’s mind so much, that the physical isn’t what’s important? Yes, I’m making generalisations, I know people in beautiful relationships. I can say I feel slightly envious, confused to how they found that kind of love but scared it will never last. Because these day’s love is never enough. Love doesn’t save marriages, sex doesn’t make them stay, love doesn’t ensure loyalty and honesty. I guess the beauty of life is to take that risk… maybe someone is actually worth hurting for.

All good things are hard to find. But, right now, it seems almost impossible. I want that Drake loyalty. I want a Bella and Edward kinda love, a Catherine Heathcliff kind of obsession, a Sephy and Callum commitment and lastly a Hazel and Augustus ’till death do us part.

Is that too much to ask for?