I was recently watching The Grapevine UK debate about interracial relationships and what struck me was the idea that you cannot be pro-black and in a interracial relationship. The panelist all had varying views on the topic but somehow there was an underlying narrative of “how can you love your oppressor?” Now, this isn’t the first or probably the last time I’ve heard this. When Serena Williams married Alexis Ohanian, when many black male artists have white or biracial wives such as Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) and Kendrick Lamar.
Firstly, I would love for people do define what pro-black even means? Is it this social media crazed generations version of Black Power? Is it the new word for black empowerment and black consciousness? Because ‘pro-black’ seems to be more of a popularity statement. Seems to be part of the ‘culture’. Everyone wants to be ‘pro-black’ and ‘woke’. Our ancestors didn’t go around calling their self help groups ‘pro-black’ or claiming they have a more powerful third eye which all of a sudden means they are ‘woke’. I’m honestly tried to reading people claiming to be ‘woke’ and ‘pro-black’ but hold their breaths and lock their doors when they know the real work, the real movement is outside, on streets. When the real movement is making sure your black children are educated, making sure you raise strong black men and women that no longer are shackled by the slave mentality. To make sure your out there protesting, investing your money into the black community, making sure your there for your community, having safe black spaces but also being black and educated. To be ‘pro-black’ is to support, encourage and uplift the black community, the community you belong to. So who isn’t ‘pro-black’? What black man, what black woman, looks at the black community, in tatters and doesn’t want to support the reconstruction and the rebuilding of a complete race? Who are you to tell me how black I am? Who are you to attempt to measure my blackness? Who are you to disregard my input and experiences, as a black woman, because my partner doesn’t match the shade your looking for?
When black men marry their white wives, I don’t see the attack on their blackness to the same level I’ve seen the attack on a black woman’s. Black women are suppose to love and cherish the black man when the black men are still trying to rework and find themselves because the after effects of slavery hasn’t left their mind or our blood. Now, I’m not saying not to date black men. I love black men, my brothers are black, my dad is black, my grandad is black and so are my uncles. I’ve dated many black boys before my current relationship with my white boyfriend. I thought I was only going to date black men and never step out. Even before me and my boyfriend even became friends, he heard me say that I don’t do white boys. But shit changes. We were friends first, 100% platonic, never thought that I would trip and catch feels. Who knew I would end up liking a white guy let alone date one. But the world has a funny way of putting people together. Do I pass up on a opportunity to find happiness because when I look in his eyes, his eyes are green brown combo that changes everyday, or because his hair is straight and silky, or because the sun burns his nose but gives him a cute little tan all at the same time? Do I look at him and blame him for all the things white people have ever done to my people? Do I look at him and see my oppressor? Or do I look at him and see my best friend? The guy that I vent to when I’m angry, the guy that I hug when I’m sad, happy and tired? Do I dare to venture beyond what is skin deep? ‘Pro-Black’ shouldn’t mean ‘Anti-white’, or has all these fake ‘woke’ and ‘pro-black’ people forgot about the white allies that helped push forward the civil rights movement? That were apart of some of the biggest civil rights organisations? Have you forgotten about the JFK’s? The whites that got shunned by their own people to help fight for ours? Do you have the right to tell them to go fuck themselves? Do you have the right to discredit their own contribution? Are you really as educated as you think you are?
I just want to end by saying. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I’m no stupid, I’m not dumb, I’m not dating a white boy for the youtube interracial relationship culture wave, I’m not dating him because I hate black men. I’m educated black woman, the president of an ACS, a girl who’s whole dissertation piece is going to be about the plight of black women. A girl that has spent hours researching her own history, reading all the narratives, writing essays upon essays about the black struggle and the black fight.
Racism exists. I know for a fact that not all people are like my boyfriend. My boyfriends extended family is a prime example of how racism lives and breathes today. But if his willing to sacrifice his family, his traditional cousins and uncles. If he is willing to be the gossip of the family, to consistently being picked at for having a black girlfriend and still stand up, defend me and tell them to go fuck themselves. I, too, can stand up and tell all you fake ass ‘woke’, ’pro-black’, uneducated people, to go fuck yourselves too.