Horror Stories

a poem.

Was always so blind.

I didn’t comprehend…I didn’t see

That all I wanted and needed was right in front of me.

Waving, smiling, laughing, shouting , running, reaching

Fingertips nearly touching,

Hearts nearly close enough to perform a synchronise beat.

But eyes looking past,

Eyes wide,

Eyes blind,

All the things I couldn’t see.

I let them just walk right past while I focused on only me,

My dreams,

My aspirations,

Scared.

I can read you horror stories about being scared.

I can swim oceans,

jump off cliffs,

run for miles,

and it still wouldn’t be enough to tell you about the magnitude of fear.

Scared is when you realise your dad has left and your all alone

Scared is the crazy heart wrenching fear of the dark

All the things you don’t want to see, manifest and show themselves in the dark

Scared is blaming everyone but yourself

Scared is letting life pass you by

Scared is severing sacred connections.

Scared is almost saying ‘I do’

Scared is almost crying

Scared is almost showing emotion

Scared is almost saying ‘I like you too’

Scared is never moving

It’s never ending

It’s forever blind.

It’s forever losing.

It’s forever alone.

“I didn’t know who I was suppose to be. At fifteen”

The journey to self discovery and identity.

Listening to Taylor Swift’s song ‘Fifteen’ had me thinking about myself, at the tender age of 15. When I was younger, I wanted to grow up so badly. I recall being 15, itching to leave the all girls school that I thought had me trapped. I couldn’t wait to leave, have freedom, talk to guys and be independent. Like the saying goes, the grass ain’t greener on the other side.

Growing up is crazy. Its a crazy roller-coaster, of ups and downs. Sometimes you feel like your struck, in a identity crisis. Who am I? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do I want to be in life?

I wish someone told me that it all just takes time. I wish someone told me this:

  1. You do not need to know who you are, exactly what you want to be and where you have to go in life. Its okay to be clueless.
  2. Self discovery is a life long journey. You will forever being learning new things about who you are. That’s the beauty of life.
  3. People change. One day, you will look at yourself, reflect on how you have acted and cry about how you lost yourself. How you lost who you are. How you knew someone so well before and now they are unrecognisable. Sometimes you lose yourself, your not the only one, but you won’t be lost forever.
  4. Love who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you who your suppose to be or demean your character. YOU know YOU, and even when you forget, it will always be there inside you. Noone can be you-they can just try. I know its cheesy… but you are unique. There will never be anyone else like you.

Still, looking back at it. I wish someone told me what I knew now. I still wish that right now, at the age of 19, someone could give me the guide to self discovery because I have so much more growing up left to do. Honestly, I didn’t know who I was suppose to be, at 15,16,17 and 18. Right here, right now, at 19… I’m still trying to figure it out.