I’ve been so lost.
I’ve been drowning.
Not drowning my sorrows in a good bottle of Jack
But instead inhaling and exhaling the smoke God let grow
I don’t know where I am
I’m unsure to where I am going to go
and for once I can’t see my own future.
Its like water filling my lungs
Choking on responsibilites
my fear of heart break
my fear of never belonging
my fear of failure
I’m choking on anger.
Waiting for someone to help me breathe
but no one is coming.
Realising, that in this world you have no one but yourself
even the flower you helped grow will die
even the person who watered you, will die.
I can die angry at the world.
The anger that corrupted my spirit, my soul
The pain I cover up with fists.
why does it always seem like the grass is greener on the other side?
why does it feel like the world is crashing around me?
why does it feel like my poetry has no direction?
why do people hurt the people they love?
why did the world have to let my grandma die?
why couldn’t I stop it?
why couldn’t I stop it.
pain is just a consequence of love.
maybe I loved her too much.
maybe I needed her too much.
maybe I deserve to spend the rest of my life choking.